Answers for Lyrallya

Lyrallya nominated me for another Liebster, here are my answers to her questions.

 

What is your favorite TV-show?

Firefly
Were you named after someone else or does your name have a special meaning?

No and No, my Dad just liked it.
What is your favorite flower?

Boronia
If you could be any animal, what would you be?

Cat
What are you most proud of?

My daughters
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Right where I am now, Southern Tasmania
What is on top of your bucket list?

Learning to bring the dead back to life
Are you happy today?

mmmmm -low level ish
Name three pet peeves!

Leaving the lid of the toilet seat up, not shutting doors, leaky windows
What is your biggest flaw?

I have a quick light temper
What are you most scared of?

Forgetting

Answers for Merel (Chollerina)

Hi Merel, here are your answers to your Questions


1.
What makes you happy?
My daughters
2. What is worth waking you up for – in the middle of the night?
Nothing
3. What’s your favorite place?
Home
4. If you could do anything, what would you do?
Fly
5. Do you have tattoos? Want (more of) them?
No & sometimes I have henna
6. Who is your favorite person?
Too many to name
7. What would you want to be in a next life?
Me, but a younger, richer, thinner and prettier version
8. How many languages do you speak?
English and “Mother”
9. Sneakers, flipflops, pumps (for the guys, the men’s equivalent of pumps: dress shoes)?
Flats and Boots
10. Are you happy?
Mostly
11. What makes you tick? I mean, what makes you do what you do, be who you are, what makes you you?
When I swallow a watch I tick

Where has all the funny gone? (long time pa-ah-ssing) – sing it with me …..

I’ve somehow lost my funny, my giggles up and gone
the gloomy greys have got me, I am bereft, morose and moribund.

I last saw her on the weekend
when my daughters made me laugh
my nephew made me chuckle (and it wasn’t just by half).

If you see her can you tell her, I want her to come right home
not laughing isn’t funny when you hit your funny bone.

I long to do a silly snortle,
a snarky chuckle and guffaw
I want to have hysterics and laugh till my throat is raw.

So tell me something comic, or send a picture quick,
for Funny is my Doctor and I’m really feeling sick.

© ceenoa     29/4/2014

Remembering – or Not

Reading a post by Karen on “days and months” and Lhu Wen Kai made a comment that got me thinking, about something I try hard NOT to think about – memories.

Part of what Karen said was:

My formative years wiped out.  In conversation I couldn’t remember very much of our time together and somehow felt cheated.  I have been wandering around for a few days now trying to work out how I feel.  I know there is nothing I can do about it and have to let it go but I do wish I could get that time back to savour the memories and appreciate them. 

and part of the comment from Lhu Wen Kai was

All that’s left are memories, and most memories don’t last forever. If I had to pick one of the mosts emotionally painful thing that can happen to a human, I’ll pick this. I’ll pick the awful feeling of not being able to remember something, permanently, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. 

I have large gaps in my childhood memories, (nothing bad/traumatic happened to me – I had a great childhood), but when I am with my brothers, sisters and mother, there are just simply things I cannot remember.

Likewise, my children talk of things I should remember, from when they were younger, but those memories are gone.  Wiped by something in my brain, that for whatever reason, couldn’t find a space to keep them.

But even this is not the worst part. 

The worst part is that I am forgetting my husband.

I remember the bad stuff, the drama, the endless times in hospital, the pain, the despair, the anguish, the soul-destroying guilt and sadness, the misery.  All of it is still real and raw and pulsating, and can be triggered with a scent, a word, a thought.

Why, then, oh why, can’t I remember the beautiful, the happy, the joyful, the love in any other way than with some filter od dense material is imposed between, so that I cannot feel it anymore? 

This was, and is, my deepest fear. 

I knew that eventually I would forget those feelings. My father died when I was 17, so I knew, no matter how much you love someone, that eventually that love looses focus, looses reality, looses the hooks and barbs that hold it to you, and the person that you love drifts away into ghostly images, and you can’t hold in your head what their voice sounds like, what they smelt like, what it felt like to be hugged by them.  It fades.  It fades to an image that you may be able to retrieve for a mini-second, but then it wisps through your hands like mist and is gone. At least, that was what happened to me, maybe it is just me.

I clung to the devastation I felt for the death of my husband, as that was the strongest emotion that was left me.  It was the only way that I could keep even small part of him with me.  I was desperate to not let it go, because as long as I felt that, that raw, intense, unadulterated storm in my heart, he would still be with me.  I knew that once it was gone, he would be gone too, almost as if it would nullify everything that was before one the pain was gone.

I felt that if I forget how much it hurt to not have him alive, then I would have lost home forever.  Once the last person who remembers you forgets you, yo are truly dead.  So too, I feel that once I can no longer REALLY FEEL those emotions, Andrew will be dead to me.  I can’t bear the thought that he will be gone.  I can’t bear it that I only remember the sad times with any depth, and the good times, the times I should remember, are just vague magazine pictures in a world of 3d imagery.  WHY?

Why has my brain done this to me?  Why did I choose not to remember.  I want to pick open my head and throw all that bad stuff away, and put all the good stuff back where it should be, but it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.

This has been a long post, I’ve rambled, it’s not written well, it comes from my dark place, but it’s part of who I am.

So now you know.

Andrew, I will mourn for you until the day I die.  I know I will forget things, forget what made some of you, you.  But I will never forget that you loved me.  I will never forget that I love you. I can never forget that I should have remembered better.           Always, C

 

Answers for Christin

For Christin at “This is Life”, your questions are answered:

11 Questions to my chosen nominees:

1.What would you have done differently in life? No cop outs here. We ALL wish we’d done something differently. Even if you don’t want to share it, think about it and acknowledge it (then forgive yourself for not doing it).

I can’t tell you, it wasn’t nice, and I do try to forgive myself, but it is hard.  The one I can tell you about is eating the last piece of ……….. – BUT no, that is quite gruesome too.

2. What clique did you belong to in high school?

Never really had one, not something that was prevalent in my High School – “Averages” if I had to put a tag on it.

3.  Where do you most want to visit?

New Zealand (at the moment)

4.  What is your favorite place that you’ve been to?

Scotland, Ireland and Wales -(but really, my home.  I am always so much happier when I come home)

5. If money was of no consequence, what would you do with your life?

Have a beautiful materialistic lifestyle (because all the money in the world can’t bring my love back) – and definitely a Low Fat Chef

6.  From your 7 year old self’s perspective, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A mum – objective achieved!

7.  Do you have any pets?

Currently, 2 cats.  At other times, house-cows, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs (20 at once, they all had babies), birds, mice, rat

8.  Do you remember life before CD’s?

Vinyl and Cassettes were part of my teenage years.

9.  Who is your favorite author and why?

Terry Pratchett – always makes me laugh

10.  Did you think by the year 2000, we’d be flying around in hover crafts like the Jetson’s? Do you know who the Jetson’s are?

i wish, I could go for a hovercraft.  Jetson’s, check – cartoon – although only known from my adulthood

Last one is a doozie….
11. What do you tell yourself and others that keeps you from following your joy in life?

“This will make me happy” – as I eat the last {insert food item of your choice}.

Now you know all my secrets  🙂

 

Zero to Hero – Day 12: Community Inspirations

Today in Bloggin101 we are supposed to create a post based on one of the comments we left yesterday.

I’m going to talk about something that interests me, Handmade.  Yesterday I left a comment on the blog Handmade Australia Blog, the post I commented on was handmade blogging hints and tips.

I make handmade jewellery, and sometimes housewares.  I sell through a local shop that specialises in local handmade items.  Well, sometimes I sell, more often I don’t.  My hometown is a tourist town, so in the off season (which we are approaching now) there isn’t much going on.  I have also have a shop on etsy since 2012, but I have never sold anything through that.  Etsy is just too big for a little handmade fish like me, unless you really get into all the networking side of things, you are lucky if you ever get anyone to see your shop at all.

I do have a facebook page and my website, but again, you really have to do the whole networking thing, and I never really have, mainly because I just don’t have the time.  Handmade for me is a hobby, I love making things. I love the tactile pleasure of smooshing (very technical term) polymer clay.  I love sanding and polishing the clay to get a soft and silky feel on the finish.  I love, love, love hammering metal.  I love melting glass (although I have to be careful with the glass, because I always want to grab it with my hands, which is a big NO NO when it is like molten lava).

So, making handmade is what I love.  Selling and marketing handmade, not so much.

So when I get the time I will be going back to that blog and reading some more of his posts, who knows, I just might find some hints and tips to make things easier.

 

Playing with Spoons on a Sunday

I’ve enjoyed my day today, finishing off some jewellery that has been on my table for a while.

This necklace with large polymer beads is not my usual style, but I thought I would try making something different.
It is interspersed with glass, plastic and metal beads, and strung on sparkly thread.

Long Poly Beads

Spoons ARE my thing at the moment.  This lovely glass piece found it’s soul-spoon today.

Black Crackle (1)

This spoon is full of tiny little curls I drilled from the beads on the necklace at the top.
Not sure whether to leave it as is, for the texture, or top it with clear resin.

small curls (2)

However you spent your Sunday, I hope you enjoyed it.

thanks for listening