“On this Day” Repost – Size 20

Yeah, you know I love this little “On This Day” thing on FB, and today it gave me this one from 3 years ago. Here is the link to the original post.  It was great to read some of the nice comments left, and downright weird to read my responses – sometimes I just don’t feel that I type like me!.


So yes, I’m size 20 – an incontrovertible fact,
I’m way past cuddly and curvy, so let’s just call me fat.

“She must be greedy and lazy, to let herself get to that size”,
they speak without understanding, one day they may realise.

It’s so much more than just eating – this chaos that lives in my brain,
compounded of joyful memories, and bottomless buckets of pain.

The food is only a symptom, of things I cannot control,
for though I am shattered and broken, once I was boundlessly whole.

I know it is not the real answer, to things that go “bump in the night”
but just for those few tiny moments, food makes some of it right.

I’ve searched for other solutions, but to food I keep coming back,
so look deeper than just my surface – my pain is displayed in my fat.

© ceenoa


11 responses to ““On this Day” Repost – Size 20”

  1. Dah,,,dah…. Why not write one about your “less than the old size” size?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I thought of that too – just haven’t got around to it yet 🙂


  2. I’d say you’re loveable – and you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Miriam. Well since then I had a lapband and lost 20kgs, so I am slightly less than I was 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good for you. Hope you’re feeling great! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “sometimes I just don’t feel that I type like me!”

    I’ve had that thought many times myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is weird reading things back, I can’t believe how they don’t sound like me (by that I mean too intelligent mostly) 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think we underestimate ourselves! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. While I don’t see anything untoward in your thoughts at the time, I completely understand the concept of stumbling across some of my older comments and blogs posts where my initial reaction is “who wrote this?”, knowing full well it was me. I just consider it part of our life-growth. As long as what you were saying in a given moment was honest, even if you aren’t comfortable with those words now, it just adds another flavor to your ongoing self-portrait…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I am comfortable with them Brian, I just can’t believe I typed like that, as it doesn’t seem like my lackadaisical style 🙂 Almost sounded intelligent in some of them 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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