Underneath my skin, vicious things lie

Underneath my skin, vicious things lie
green envy
red rage
white pain
blue loneliness

they wriggle like worms
dug up from the dirt
trying to burrow back to the haven of the dark

as they scrabble in their desperate turmoil to not be seen
they create, in one ridiculously sublime moment
a pattern of iridescent colour

green
red
white
blue
Underneath my skin, beauty lies

© ceenoa

* In an attempt to make something dark more palatable, I amended the original poem to a more positive ending – sometimes I even believe it*

The Original Version

Vicious things lie underneath my skin
green envy
red rage
white pain
blue loneliness

they wriggle like worms
dug up from the dirt
trying to burrow back to the haven of the dark

as they scrabble in their desperate turmoil to not be seen
they create, in one ridiculously sublime moment
a pattern of iridescent colour that hides the dirty truth

green envy
red rage
white pain
blue loneliness
Underneath my skin, vicious things lie

© ceenoa

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Underneath my skin, vicious things lie

  1. Ruth 11/05/2016 / 7:44 pm

    Great poem! I think on refelection I prefer the original ending, but it certainly works either way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Claudette 12/05/2016 / 5:20 pm

      Thanks muchly Ruth. I think the original is more true to how I was feeling.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lily 12/05/2016 / 9:14 am

    Beautiful. Although I would have liked to have read the original ending, I still love this.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Lily 13/05/2016 / 5:44 am

        They both work remarkably well. But the original speaks much more to me.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Claudette 13/05/2016 / 6:20 pm

          I think that is because that was how I was feeling when I wrote it – it got imbued in the words. Then I decided that it might be a bit dark for some, and rewrote it with a positive spin. Just glad you liked it. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • Lily 14/05/2016 / 6:45 am

            The beauty of the poem IS that in works for whatever mood you’re in. But I also love the fact that you paid thought to your readers by writing an alternative ending. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Claudette 14/05/2016 / 10:07 am

              Well, just cause I’m in a place doesn’t mean I need to drag everyone else there too (plus, sometimes I like to wallow on my own)!

              Liked by 1 person

  3. lindywhitton 12/05/2016 / 10:02 pm

    Either way works – depends on the day! I have to say we all have both – the vicious and the beautiful- and some days one shows more than the other. Hope today the was full of beauty and the vicious things lay still.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Claudette 13/05/2016 / 6:17 pm

      Thanks Sis. Sometimes we get both – in the same dy 🙂

      Like

  4. Osyth 12/05/2016 / 11:58 pm

    This resonates. Will resonate with many. Whether darkest or lighter the ending will rather depend on the reader’s mood …. I like the choice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Claudette 13/05/2016 / 6:19 pm

      Thanks Osyth. Sometimes it is hard to decide which way to go – so I just decided to offer both – life is about balance after all!

      Liked by 1 person

Happiness is kind words from a friend .....

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s