Ode to a Lapband – or, I’m having the Op

I’m off for my op in the morning
no eating from midnight tonight
so I’m giving you all a fair warning
without morning coffee I might not act right

i may be cranky and grumpy
just know that it’s not the real me
forgive my looking so frumpy
morning coffee is what makes me serene

I’m having a lapband tomorrow
to combat my increase of girth
so liquids are now on my menu
for many weeks of future meals worth

I thought I’d be eating like crazy
this last week of food freedom for me
But I decided to save for my last meal
and I’m having pizza and cheesecake for tea

my eating will change from tomorrow
I hope my health will begin to repair
food has long been my comfort and sorrow
but they say this should soon disappear

to eat only when hungry
to stop when my body says full
that statement has always seemed funny
in a way that was dreadfully cruel

I look forward to loosing my “empty”
that ravenous black hole for food
to days when yummies don’t tempt me
to beat this addiction for good.

© ceenoa

Words I don’t live by

“To thine own self be true”

“Live each day as if it is your last”

“Don’t worry, be happy”


Just a few examples of thoughts that i have given up trying to emulate, due to the relationship I have with food.

If I followed the examples above I would;

A) accept that I will never be thin again, and not angst/feel guilty over the fact that I like to eat yummy food.

b) if it’s my last day to be alive, why would I waste it dieting?  Wouldn’t I want to eat that fabulous dessert, drink the exotic cocktail, eat the doughnuts, bread or pasta of my dreams?


c) eat what I wanted, whenever I wanted, and not worry! (About the fact that my waistline is an ever expanding elastic string about to reach it’s explosion point, that my weight increases the risk of all sorts of very nasty diseases that lead to shortness of life span, that clothes are a pain to find in my size, blah, blah, etc, blah.

SO, in conclusion, these are the words they should have said:

“To thine own self be true”but only after you’ve read the self-help book (after all, who knows you better than someone you have never met, but has managed to be a multi-million dollar best seller of self help books?)

“Live each day as if it is your last”but remember – hopefully – it probably isn’t (so just eat the celery and carrots and lettuce and try to ignore all the lovely food that calls like a siren to you.)

“Don’t worry, be happy”but realise that hardly anyone actually achieves this on a day-to-day basis (so embrace your worry – you might be successful in smothering it if you hug it hard enough!)

The Diet Wars

Go on and eat the biscuit, it’s the last one on the plate
you know you really want too, and I have to watch my weight.

I’d eat it soon as look at it, sitting there it tempts me so
so I have to use my willpower, and tell my taste buds NO.

I really wish you’d take it, it’s no use keeping one
it’s just asking to be eaten, take a bite, and have it done.

You’re sure that you don’t want it? Or another cup of tea?
you really are quite skinny, not anything like me.

It was nice to have you over, I enjoyed our little chat
oh damn, she left the biscuit, now what will I do with that?

She knows I can’t resist it, sitting smugly on its plate
a little lonely Tim Tam, oh hell, there goes my weight!

© ceenoa  23.5.2014