Words I don’t live by

“To thine own self be true”

“Live each day as if it is your last”

“Don’t worry, be happy”

HAH

Just a few examples of thoughts that i have given up trying to emulate, due to the relationship I have with food.

If I followed the examples above I would;

A) accept that I will never be thin again, and not angst/feel guilty over the fact that I like to eat yummy food.

b) if it’s my last day to be alive, why would I waste it dieting?  Wouldn’t I want to eat that fabulous dessert, drink the exotic cocktail, eat the doughnuts, bread or pasta of my dreams?

and

c) eat what I wanted, whenever I wanted, and not worry! (About the fact that my waistline is an ever expanding elastic string about to reach it’s explosion point, that my weight increases the risk of all sorts of very nasty diseases that lead to shortness of life span, that clothes are a pain to find in my size, blah, blah, etc, blah.

SO, in conclusion, these are the words they should have said:

“To thine own self be true”but only after you’ve read the self-help book (after all, who knows you better than someone you have never met, but has managed to be a multi-million dollar best seller of self help books?)

“Live each day as if it is your last”but remember – hopefully – it probably isn’t (so just eat the celery and carrots and lettuce and try to ignore all the lovely food that calls like a siren to you.)

“Don’t worry, be happy”but realise that hardly anyone actually achieves this on a day-to-day basis (so embrace your worry – you might be successful in smothering it if you hug it hard enough!)

Size 20

So yes, I’m size 20 – an incontrovertible fact
I’m way past cuddly and curvy, so let’s just call me fat.

“She must be greedy and lazy, to let herself get to that size”
they speak without understanding, one day they may realise.

It’s so much more than just eating – this chaos that lives in my brain
compounded of joyful memories, and bottomless buckets of pain.

The food is only a symptom of things I cannot control
for though I am shattered and broken, once I was boundlessly whole.

I know it is not the real answer, to things that go “bump in the night”
but just for those few tiny moments, food makes some of it right.

I’ve searched for other solutions, but to food I keep coming back
so look deeper than just my surface – my pain is displayed in my fat.

© ceenoa

Question 9 – Hedgehogs – How do you eat them?

Out of the mouths of babes:

Daughter:  “I had hedgehog slice today,  it was yummy”

Mother:  “Did you eat the little paws, and the nose, and the whiskers?

Daughter:   “Muuuummmmmm”

hedgehoghedgehog2

Gee, I mean, they are so damn cute how can you put them in your mouth, and what about the prickles?

So, the question is what animal is it ok to eat as a snack?

mmmmm ….. Possibly possum cookie, or wombat waffles, echidna eclairs or bat biscuits?

Can’t wait for the comments on this one!

Food Rant Diversion to Reality

I was going to have a rant about food – the fact that I’m eating it constantly even though I’m not hungry, how my eating is out of control, how I don’t know what to do, blah, blah, blah. 

Then I thought, SHUT UP! 

 D2 asked me to cut her hair again, so I did, and it turned out quite well. 

ImageI coloured my hair with Indigo, and by tomorrow my silvery grey hair will have turned purple. 

I played games on the computer,

It was a beautiful day, mild & warm, and I pottered a bit in the garden,

ImageI uploaded some photos from yesterday.

Image

I friend messaged me and we made a lunch date for tomorrow.

In short, I enjoyed myself.

So, no whining from me today.

thanks for listening.