I desperately rack my brain trying to come up with a plausible story, the guilt making me feel sick with the taste of these not yet spoken untruths. “I lost track of time”, “It took longer to finish the (insert word of choice: shopping, appointment) than I expected” and “I’m meeting a friend for coffee” have been worn out too many excuses ago. Suddenly I’m tired of all the deception, the lip service of commitment and the half-hearted attention I have been paying to this relationship for too long. I make a silent vow to change my ways: I will devote more time to you; I will ignore the lure of this new love; I will speak the truth. So I do: “I have been unfaithful to my cleaning duty, but I promise I will not “Art” today and I WILL do the damn housework”. (Yet, even as I think it, I taste the sourness of lies).
This is a kitten we fostered last weekend. We nicknamed her “Mental”. She had no concept of gentle play, those claws were used to full power. The sight and sound of her galloping through the house was like a rampaging fluffy slipper crossed with a belligerent rhinoceros. She never slept during the day, but constantly zig-zagged in front of your feet when you walked. She climbed everything. I have never met such a hyperactive, insomniac kitten.
She tried, tried really hard, to be adorable. She sidled sweetly, and walking sideways on four legs has got to be a hard thing to do to amuse people, she rubbed vigorously around your legs purring, but woe to you if you picked her up – those claws soon came into action. She spat, hissed and showed those claws to our cat , the very placid Limpet, and then added insult to injury by trying to eat Limpet’s dinner.
Much as we tried to bond with her – she declined to be loved for anything longer than 0.5 of a second. Regretfully we took her back on Monday. I hope she finds the right home, it just wasn’t ours.
If you would like to participate with your own Emotography, check out my EPE Invitation where I explain what it all means and tell you how.
“To thine own self be true”
“Live each day as if it is your last”
“Don’t worry, be happy”
Just a few examples of thoughts that i have given up trying to emulate, due to the relationship I have with food.
If I followed the examples above I would;
A) accept that I will never be thin again, and not angst/feel guilty over the fact that I like to eat yummy food.
b) if it’s my last day to be alive, why would I waste it dieting? Wouldn’t I want to eat that fabulous dessert, drink the exotic cocktail, eat the doughnuts, bread or pasta of my dreams?
c) eat what I wanted, whenever I wanted, and not worry! (About the fact that my waistline is an ever expanding elastic string about to reach it’s explosion point, that my weight increases the risk of all sorts of very nasty diseases that lead to shortness of life span, that clothes are a pain to find in my size, blah, blah, etc, blah.
SO, in conclusion, these are the words they should have said:
“To thine own self be true” – but only after you’ve read the self-help book (after all, who knows you better than someone you have never met, but has managed to be a multi-million dollar best seller of self help books?)
“Live each day as if it is your last” – but remember – hopefully – it probably isn’t (so just eat the celery and carrots and lettuce and try to ignore all the lovely food that calls like a siren to you.)
“Don’t worry, be happy” – but realise that hardly anyone actually achieves this on a day-to-day basis (so embrace your worry – you might be successful in smothering it if you hug it hard enough!)