15

inverted daisy - shine your light
I counted all the years of we
then all the years of widow
and my world had tilted
the balance shifted
and so I cried.

© ceenoa

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Bones and Scars

the fierce missing shatters my bones
the gravity of grief unraveling
exposing my marrow
stripping off layers.
and I have to regrow again
the skin and sinew of “now”
that holds me together.

© ceenoa

June Frost (4)

 

you cannot see my scars, the silver lines that cover me,
head to toe, heart to soul, completely wrapped.
an irredescent netting, marking the breaking and the healing,
the threads of a new outer that constrain the broken.

© ceenoa

June Frost (12)

I had a dream – again. (Repost: A Dream and a Wish)

It happened again last night, it must be this time of year,
that prompts a rummage through my unconscious,
and in amongst the rubble, finding a flicker of a thought,
pounces, and drags it forth,
to present, like a cats favour lying at my door,

sadly unwelcome but understood.

© ceenoa

The original post below, which prompted the one above, is from 24 December 2014, and can be found here.

I had a dream of you last night,
I heard your voice, I saw your face,
and it woke again the yearning,
from it’s quietly slumbering place.

That desperate sense of needing,
which years have mercifully worn away,
the savage grief dispersed,
through life’s anaesthetising day.

And even though they carry sorrow,
I long to dream of you again,
to feel that fierce connection,
as you quietly say my name.

© ceenoa

14 years

dad in hammock

When Autumn blows,
when Winter snows,
when Summer slows,
when Spring plants grow,
I remember you.

You were my seasons,
and I was content,
to let you be my reason,
for taking the next breath.

Years have turned,
some dreams have burned,
and I have learned,
some memories do not return.

Each tiny part that disappears,
diminishes throughout the years,
the picture that I hold so dear,
and fills me with a desperate fear.

Will one day come,
under this sun,
when all that was our total sum,
dwindles down to none?

© ceenoa

Emotography – Week 26/2016

 Rara ~ 2006 – 2016

Grief

no orange cat walking
shadowing me
no orange cat stalking
through silver birch trees
no orange cat sitting
waiting for tea
no orange cat purring
affectionately

the grass will grow tall
under the trees
earth being nourished
by all that you were
marked by stone softly laid
to farewell the sun

© ceenoa

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If you would like to participate with your own Emotography, check out my  EPE Invitation where I explain what it all means and tell you how.

Flash Flood

Like a flash flood in the desert,
I feel the oncoming rumble in my bones,
before the groundswell hits.

Engulfed, I struggle to breathe,
not knowing which way is up or down,
tumbling with the fierce tide pounding me.

An eternity, in a moment of white noise,
trying to ride the wave until it dissipates,
to be left bruised and bedraggled.

Stranded, on some random ground,
I crawl upright to start again,
the long walk back from grief.

© ceenoa

A Dream and a Wish

I had a dream of you last night
I heard your voice, I saw your face
and it woke again the yearning
from it’s quietly slumbering place

that desperate sense of needing
which years have mercifully worn away
the savage grief dispersed
through life’s anaesthetising day

and even though they carry sorrow
I long to dream of you again
to feel that fierce connection
as you quietly call my name

© ceenoa