In autumn leaves rustling
I remember the glory
Of dancing out on a limb
The sway of the branch
As the winds of life
Determined where i would fall
In autumn leaves shining
I remember the colour
Of being held by you
As out on a limb i waited
For your heart
to catch me as i fell
In autumn leaves floating
I remember the sight
Of you and our children laughing
As out on a limb we held them
Safe in our hearts and our love
Never fearing that we would fall
In autumn leaves falling
I remember the grieving
And out on the limb on my own
I cling to the branch that gave me
The dance of the seasons, the reasons
For not regretting the fall.
Looking through some old words for something to post, and reading this one triggered some new ones
The weather won’t let me forget you
the seasons bring reminders
the quality of light
or a perfume on the air
trigger memories of times gone by
and I am almost back there
The weather in 2019
The weather won’t let me forget you
but climate change is real
and time erodes the quality
of captured moments
the weather won’t let me forget you
but you are becoming less clear
I counted all the years of we
then all the years of widow
and my world had tilted
the balance shifted
and so I cried.
the fierce missing shatters my bones
the gravity of grief unraveling
exposing my marrow
stripping off layers.
and I have to regrow again
the skin and sinew of “now”
that holds me together.
you cannot see my scars, the silver lines that cover me,
head to toe, heart to soul, completely wrapped.
an irredescent netting, marking the breaking and the healing,
the threads of a new outer that constrain the broken.
It happened again last night, it must be this time of year,
that prompts a rummage through my unconscious,
and in amongst the rubble, finding a flicker of a thought,
pounces, and drags it forth,
to present, like a cats favour lying at my door,
sadly unwelcome but understood.
The original post below, which prompted the one above, is from 24 December 2014, and can be found here.
I had a dream of you last night,
I heard your voice, I saw your face,
and it woke again the yearning,
from it’s quietly slumbering place.
That desperate sense of needing,
which years have mercifully worn away,
the savage grief dispersed,
through life’s anaesthetising day.
And even though they carry sorrow,
I long to dream of you again,
to feel that fierce connection,
as you quietly say my name.
When Autumn blows,
when Winter snows,
when Summer slows,
when Spring plants grow,
I remember you.
You were my seasons,
and I was content,
to let you be my reason,
for taking the next breath.
Years have turned,
some dreams have burned,
and I have learned,
some memories do not return.
Each tiny part that disappears,
diminishes throughout the years,
the picture that I hold so dear,
and fills me with a desperate fear.
Will one day come,
under this sun,
when all that was our total sum,
dwindles down to none?
Rara ~ 2006 – 2016
no orange cat walking
no orange cat stalking
through silver birch trees
no orange cat sitting
waiting for tea
no orange cat purring
the grass will grow tall
under the trees
earth being nourished
by all that you were
marked by stone softly laid
to farewell the sun
If you would like to participate with your own Emotography, check out my EPE Invitation where I explain what it all means and tell you how.
Like a flash flood in the desert,
I feel the oncoming rumble in my bones,
before the groundswell hits.
Engulfed, I struggle to breathe,
not knowing which way is up or down,
tumbling with the fierce tide pounding me.
An eternity, in a moment of white noise,
trying to ride the wave until it dissipates,
to be left bruised and bedraggled.
Stranded, on some random ground,
I crawl upright to start again,
the long walk back from grief.
there was something in the look in our photo
and I cannot recapture it
the memory of the shape is gone
and I am lost
a glorious technicolour film in surround sound
reduced to a screen play
stark black and white words on paper
It does not come close to explaining
they way I feel now
this loss is overwhelming
with no hope of recovery