When Autumn blows,
when Winter snows,
when Summer slows,
when Spring plants grow,
I remember you.
You were my seasons,
and I was content,
to let you be my reason,
for taking the next breath.
Years have turned,
some dreams have burned,
and I have learned,
some memories do not return.
Each tiny part that disappears,
diminishes throughout the years,
the picture that I hold so dear,
and fills me with a desperate fear.
Will one day come,
under this sun,
when all that was our total sum,
dwindles down to none?
Like a flash flood in the desert,
I feel the oncoming rumble in my bones,
before the groundswell hits.
Engulfed, I struggle to breathe,
not knowing which way is up or down,
tumbling with the fierce tide pounding me.
An eternity, in a moment of white noise,
trying to ride the wave until it dissipates,
to be left bruised and bedraggled.
Stranded, on some random ground,
I crawl upright to start again,
the long walk back from grief.
there was something in the look in our photo
and I cannot recapture it
the memory of the shape is gone
and I am lost
a glorious technicolour film in surround sound
reduced to a screen play
stark black and white words on paper
It does not come close to explaining
they way I feel now
this loss is overwhelming
with no hope of recovery
I had a dream of you last night
I heard your voice, I saw your face
and it woke again the yearning
from it’s quietly slumbering place
that desperate sense of needing
which years have mercifully worn away
the savage grief dispersed
through life’s anaesthetising day
and even though they carry sorrow
I long to dream of you again
to feel that fierce connection
as you quietly call my name
Day Four, Writing 101 – Loss: Write about a loss (something or someone).
When I look in the mirror I see it, something missing. The spark from my eye, the smile from my lips, the colour from my hair. Where did it go? The years have taken something, and left a slightly lesser me, an older, shrunken, washed out version of who I used to be. It surprises me! Why? because my inner me, my core self-perception image, is still sparkly, spry, sleek and springy. I don’t match my outside anymore, and my reflection catches me off guard in that moment and makes me look twice to see who this person is.
It’s a loss that starts slowly, years before you truly notice it, a single grey hair, a crinkle around the eyes, a few dark spots on your skin. But, one day, you look, and there she is, this person who you don’t recognise, changed from the inner to the outer vision. There is no going back, you can’t arrest time and press the rewind button. You can’t regain what is lost, as time marches steadily on.
All that is left to learn from this loss is acceptance.
….to be continued